Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
