gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
how drunk are you?
Several
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
