i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
