Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
