If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Too much gin, very little bucket
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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