So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
