She's JV to your varsity
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
