It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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