And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Rumble strips road head = magical
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
