sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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