It's like God shit irony all over that family
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
