Sry I called you an 8
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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