matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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