Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
