We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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