i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
