Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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