He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
