Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
