before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
