Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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