well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
