if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
