I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
