I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
