We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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