Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
