she was so not down for the gang bang
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
