I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
