All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
pray to the hookup gods
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
