I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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