i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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