oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
