i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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