I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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