i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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