so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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