Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
