if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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