Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
