I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
