jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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