HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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