DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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