I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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