Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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