So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
