dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
