There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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