i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
