When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
